I was having a conversation with a person who is divorced. He was carrying on about his ex-wife and how unfulfilling their marriage was. There was a question being begged to be asked.
“What was lacking in the marriage,” I asked. The wheels were spinning in his head. “How often did you two go out on dates?” He looked at me as if I was insane.
Finally, he said; “Dates? From the first week after the honeymoon, I called her from work and suggested we go out on a date. What she said disappointed me. She said she doesn’t want to date anymore.”
“Oh,” I replied. “So what did you do for romance?” He laughed in my face. He went on a story about how his wife wasn’t into romance. I asked this gentleman a series of questions that involved he and his wife. Questions that asked what he did to enhance the relationship, then what did she do to make things better. Very little was done on both sides of the marriage.
“Was it this way when you were dating?” To make this story as modest as possible, he told me that they were busy “practicing the wedding night”.
Needless to say, the conversation went downhill from there. After getting to know the relationship more intimately, I had to bring the conversation to a complete stop (save the advice). I saw their problem.
And this is for younger people to heed. People who are less than twenty-five years old. I know, I know, I’m not your parent nor am I the boss of you. You can do whatever you want and blow this whole page off the screen if you like.
If you think for one second that a strong relationship is based on emotion and sex, leave your so called beloved now. This is not a relationship of two adults.
Going back to my younger days, I never wanted to break up with any woman I had strong feelings for. The problem was, unbeknownst to me, it wasn’t a real relationship. It was two people in lust with each other. We were more in love with the idea of being in love. We both had our hearts set on being together forever and ever. (sigh with the sound of heart beats) We had something special. Just like everyone else who was in love.
I understand that the thought of leaving this lover brings tears to your eye. And leaving is just too much to think about. Been there, done that.
Look at it this way; in five years you are going to have a whole new set of ideals, tastes in people, views in life. In ten years, and I know that’s a long way off, you are going to have a whole new set of rules to run your life by. In ten years, you are going to have life figured out and will enjoy it a bunch more.
Most people will tell you when they are in their thirties, they are having so much more fun now. It’s all because they finally know what they are doing. They understand life and how to get what they want.
They can look back and remember what they did in their twenties and wonder what they were thinking. Usually, there are no regrets. Just surprises and laughter at their silly selves.
Be aware that I don’t mean to pretend to know your relationship. I do not. I look at the divorce rate in this country at over fifty percent.
After all the training at skydiving and being certified, etc, would you jump out of a plane if you were told fifty percent of the chutes were to open?