For the sake of self improvements, I’ve been reading a book titled; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I actually read it way back in the early 80s. Pretty much didn’t understand it for a number of reasons. I thought I’d give it another go at it.
Oddly enough it touches on relationships. But in a more fuller sense of the word. But it can still be applied to romantic relationships.
As you know, we all start on a dependent level of relationships. This is when we are infants and we depend on someone else to do everything else for us. We’ll be in this stage until we are able to do things on our won. Now, we’re more independent. We can think on our own to make decisions and do for ourselves.
For a lot of us, we think we have made it and we can accomplish anything on our own and we are at out pinnacle of living. And I have to admit, men are more that way than women more times than not.
According to Stephen R Covey, that is not the case. There is a higher relationship that needs to develop in our lives. It’s called an interdependent relationship. And we need this type of a relationship in all levels of our lives. Even in our work loops, for instance. We need someone at work to advise us with the matters at work at times. There is an interdependent relationship between player and coach in any sport.
As I was reading page fifty in this book, it dawned on me that this is what every marriage should consist of. When two people are committed in a marriage, the have to depend on each other to keep the marriage alive. If you are familiar with the marriages of the first half of the 1900s it appeared that the man of the family was in total control of the entire family. And you’re right. It appeared that way.
Here’s the thing about interdependence, There is a very large amount of maturity that one needs to have to become interdependent. With all the advertisement and movies that glorify independence, we lose the sight of allowing other people into our lives as equals. We believe that we are going to be more free in our lives if we are independent. Okay.
I’ going to ask you this; If you are rowing a boat, is it better if you have one oar, or two oars? that’s where interdependence comes in. We as human beings need other people to fill out our lives. Nobody was meant to be an island unto themselves. That is not how we are made.
Even if we are single for whatever reason, we still need people to socialize with. We need people to expand our mental horizons with.
Native Americans would observe nature to figure life out. Today, we can watch any nature show on TV and see that even Nature is interdependent on everything in Nature to stay alive with. We are no different. We need to have interdependent relationships to survive. But, like I said; it takes maturity to do that.